The Road to Bonne Terre Mineby Dave Owen(see the short version below if you're in a hurry) 1) From Rochester MN head south, preferably on Hwy 63. When no one is looking, cross the border into Iowa, again on Hwy 63. Once in Iowa don't stop. If you have to stop, for the love of all that is holy, DON'T TALK to anyone. Mostly, you will get confused stares. But don't be suprised when you get a response that sounds remarkably like English. But don't believe it either. They are only mimicing back something they heard from another traveler not half an hour ago. And don't ask for directions. The Quickie Mart "employees" in Waterloo are mostly from Iowa City. Oddly, the Quickie Mart "employees" in Iowa City are from Waterloo. [and don't buy fuel in Iowa if you own a Mercury Mountaineer] 2) So take Hwy 63 South to Waterloo. In Waterloo, turn left onto State Highway 218, heading south east. And then hop on I-380 East, this will take you south past Cedar Rapids to Iowa City. Skirt the western edge of Iowa City, avoiding eye contact, and take SH-218 south... again. 3a) For those of you who are a little adventurous and would like to shorten their trip, shortly after passing though Donnellson, take County Road 394 South. You will come to a toll bridge crossing the Iowa River. Pay the old lady at the bridge exactly what she asks for. No more, no less. Don't argue, and don't feed her. Shortly after crossing, there will be a Kwik-E-Mart of some sort to the right. You may stop here long enough to take on supplies and, uh, necessities. Continue South on what is now CR 8. Follow CR 8 to Wayland, where you'll take a right and briefly head west on Hwy 136 and then take a left onto the Hwy 136 SPUR heading south until it meets up with Hwy 61 South. Get on Hwy 61 South. For those that are really adventurous, try route 3a in the middle of an ice storm. 3b) For those less adventurous, stay on SH-218 until it joins up with Hwy 61 right after passing by a very flat little town called Mount Claire. Take Hwy 61 South. [Congratulations! You're half way to Bonne Terre.] For those of you with compasses in your cars, you will note that over the next 20 or 30 miles, you will travel east, west, south, and briefly north. Do not worry. You will be traveling in a mostly westerly direction and eventually meet up with something called the Hwy 136 SPUR. Do NOT take it. Don't even think about it. Just keep an eye out for roadside scuba equipment accidentally left by those that took route 3a. 4) At this point you are south on Hwy 61. If this is your first time, you probably have an uneasy feeling in the pit of your stomach. This is good. You'll want to quit eating and drinking at this point anyway. The reason for this will become clear later on. 5) Near Hannibal, Hwy 61 joins up with Hwy 24 and you will no longer see signs for Hwy 61. And then without warning, Hwy 61 heads due east, leaving Hwy 24 to continue south. Don't even try to make sense of it. Just make darn sure you stay on Hwy 61 and follow it all the way to St. Louis. But be on the lookout for minivan parts. 6) The NW corridor into St. Louis would seem to be an ideal place to make a pit stop just before getting to the outer loop. It isn't. Exits will taunt you with signs indicating fuel and food. Do not believe them. They really mean, "This exit is where a gas station would be if we weren't so filthy rich that we bought all such establishments along this corridor, flattened them, and built private schools for our daughters, whom we've equiped with brand new convertible VW beetles and armed them with the knowlege that all traffic must yield before them, particularly you, you poor middle-class servile beings. Look not for your gas and restrooms here. We own them all and we won't let you in." To make matters worse, if you take an exit, you can almost never get back onto the same highway you've just exited. This gets worse as you get closer to St. Louis. 7) Continue along Hwy 61. Right around Wentzville, it becomes Hwy 40. Do not be alarmed. Continue following it. And then as you cross the Missouri River, Hwy 40 becomes magically transformed into I-64. The only true difference between the two is that the road rage you are soon to experience, if acted upon, will now be treated as a federal offense. 8) The NW to SW arc around St. Louis is a maze of grey ribbon and walls that would make a sadistic rollercoaster designer drool. On no less than 5 occasions, you will go around a bend, or crest a hill or bridge and you would think that you have been cast into the middle of oncoming traffic or are hurling headlong into a concrete wall had you been traveling at rollercoaster-like speeds. Be strong. And do NOT veer from this path. As you get closer to St. Louis, you may or may not see signs taunting you with your oncoming tryst with I-270. It's hard to tell. The road signs are down for repair almost as often as the highways are. But by this point, traffic will have slowed to a walk and you'll see the signs long before you get to them. Switching lanes may be difficult at this point, since whatever lane you are in will be moving slowest, and the folks in the fast moving lanes aren't going to take kindly to your impeding their progress. 9) Once you get to it, take I-270 South eastward, which probably sounds stupid since it is a North - South road. But these things were named by folks in Washington who know what they are doing. So if you don't trust my sense of direction, take the exit that takes you to the right. 10) Once I-270 begins to veer ever so slightly to the east (after about 11 miles), take I-55 South (another right turn). 11) Stay on I-55 South for about 22 miles (or approx 2 weeks) and then take Hwy 67 South (yet another right turn). After about 5 miles, you may safely exit and make a pit stop with a reasonable expectation of quickly getting back on the highway you've exited and, more importantly, continuing to travel in the same direction. 12) At this point, you are somewhere about 25 miles from Bonne Terre. Bonne Terre is the County Road K exit. Take a right (#4). After so many right turns in succession, you'd think you had gone a complete circle, but trust me, this one will take you directly into downtown Bonne Terre. Summary
Isn't it amazing how many east-west roads actually travel north and south?
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